Tuesday, September 30, 2008

No coincidences

The past few days I have been unusually sad ~ missing my sister. I've been blogging on this site. Today I chose to text my cousin how I miss her. Not too long after, she text me saying she saw Mary. When I asked how, she said she was at her moms and saw a little red cardinal hopping on the deck outside their window all by itself. My aunt asked "why is that bird there and what is it doing?" My cousin said, "That's Mary".
The cardinal is the state bird there in Illinois so they see them all the time, but they don't usually stand there just hopping about - as if trying to be seen. THAT IS A SIGN! Thank you Mary!
Then, as I was sitting on the train to go home tonight, I dug into my purse to try to read a book I've had trouble starting. "A new Eath" by Eckart Tolle. I opted to open it to the back of the book where the pages were white, unlike the rest of the book. Page 223, "The discovery of Inner Space". I started reading about a King who was prone to Happiness, but the the slightest thing, change to despair. he seeked help from a wise man who gave him a Jade ring and told him to rub the ring when he started to feel despair and say "THIS TOO SHALL PASS".
Now the strange thing about me reading this is that in a "reading" I had recently, the intuitive counselor told me my dad came through and was saying "This too Shall Pass" (along with other sayings - "No problme is a problem unless you think its a problme" & "Make it Snappy").
I truly feel as if my dad just came through to me by passage!
I was feeling a bit of despair and concious of it as I left work. I had just gotten news of yet another project needing to be made (and I haven't gotten a handle on the current ones), so I felt a little frustration and despair. As if I'll never be ahead of the game.
Then this! WOW! The signs are there! I don't choose the books i bring with me to read. They choose me.
Just for the record I've put another small book call "All things are Possible through Prayer" in my purse yesterday. A book I've had for 4 years given to me by Angie who passed 3 years ago. A very special woman in my life. I never read teh book, but felt compelled this week.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Mini Mary

I came across these pictures ... How pretty you were even as a child. I was so lucky to be your sis! You were the best lil sis I could have ever asked for! So many memories, so much fun!

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Lil Mary & Me

Sweet sweet lil Mary.... cute as can be!
I loved being your big sis!
Cherished Memories!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Sweet Memories

Sugar toast, peanut butter crackers, butter fried tortillas,
skittles, funyuns, anything sweet, it didn't matter to us! These were our treats.
You'd ride your bike as fast you could and return to me in the nick of time. All i had to do was tell you I was timing you and your little legs peddled faster than the wind. I would give you a list with a couple bucks of cash and tell you the change was all yours. But the catch was to beat your last time! It didn't matter if it was a nickel or dime, you did it all for the time. The race! I guess now that I think about it, you were runny the test of time!
Those were the days sweet sis that i would give everything back for. Those summer days of eats & treats & fun in the sun! Well, a little trouble came with us two. How could it not? It was fun of course, a little rebellion too. We had each others back that for sure is true! How bout the time we caught our babysitter smokin and used that to get what we wanted? hehe - so mean we were to make her cry... it didn't matter to us, all we cared about was that she could drive. Drive us wherever we wanted in lieu of her secret to be kept. Roller Rink bound everytime! Only we pushed her to the limit making her quit.
I wish i had you back to tell you what to do. I knew you'd always listen. Maybe not right away, but i knew you sis & you always came around. I think it stems back to your eagerness to please. Oh, you did impress!!! Cheerleader, triathelete, deans list, teacher, coach, mommy & friend, just to name a few! All your accomplishments despite set backs - you kept looking forward and upward and got your titles & trophies & dreams.... until one day you broke your wings. Times like this - I can only wish that I knew what I know now and I would not be here, I would be there pounding on your door. I'd camp out, kidnap you and keep you until you were healed. Strong enough to fight your fight with unbroken wings.
I know your wings are completely healed where you are.. I only wish it was my will, not yours that has been done!
That's it tonight sis... I was just reminishing some. I have alot more, but will have to share later. I can only take lil bits at a time. My throat closes up and my eyes pour with tears as I think of you and miss you.
Don't worry ~ I'm okay, I just need to feel what I feel to heal!
I love you my sister.... FAITH & HOPE YOU WERE! FAITH & HOPE YOU ARE! My shining lil star!

Monday, September 22, 2008

6 months today...I Love you Mary

Dearest Mary~
I can't believe it's been 6 months today! I've been missing you a lot. I've gotten used to looking at the same pictures the last 6 months & then I pulled out the visit I had with you in December 2004 when most of the trouble began. I couldn't stop the tears. I remember you crying when I had to go home. It tore at my heart. I have missed you for so long, even when you were alive. Oh Mary, I'm so sorry you had so much pain. I'm sorry I wasn't closer to you more of the time. I tried sis. I really did. I flew to your rescue to spend only days. We needed more. I thought you were stronger. I was wrong. Please forgive me for not being there more. I love you so much. My heart aches for your spirit. You had so much of it!
Today I will give you an award for the most beautiful, honest, sincere and loving spirit I have ever had the honor of being a part of! I know how much you love awards. You deserve so many.
Your love outweighed your pains. As I've said before, I saw no faults, only struggles! No more - i know & for that I am happy for you. But when you died, so did a part of me. I'm trying to balance my faith with my loss, but sometimes it wins. Luckily only for moments. I know you're still with me & that is what brings me back! Thank you dear sister for loving me so much.... "You told me to forgive & I am working on that!" I promise!Chad is helping me.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

The Signs are Here

I am here and so are you... i feel your presence in all i do.
The intuitive reading i had last Saturday confirmed it! When she said as you came through you asked about the picking of chocolate chips & that you did that too. I was amazed that you saw me do that just the night before. I was all alone making chocolate chip cookies picking out the lil chips - well i thought i was alone, and i'm glad i wasn't :)! Then she asked if i wrote you notes and letters because you were acknowledging them. I was happy to tell her YES, Yes I do i have a blog just for her & a pad i write lil notes too! She said you said to use lavender paper because it's healing.... I will do!
Well, i am as sick as can be today - it started yesterday. When i went outside to get some air, a bright red cardinal greeted me as he fluttered in the air. He just starred at me as he flapped his wings - so beautiful he was up in the tree fluttering above just to see me! I acknowledged him & felt him say "I hope you feel better - i live here and I'm here to stay". He looked like a little red angel the way he was.
I was told by you to keep looking for the signs and that our souls were so tight they were like one!

Sis, you are still alive to me and I will keep you that way okay..... I love you and miss you! Your pretty smile and encouraging words, but will take you as a bird.
For now until then - when we see each other again. Your love will shine through me to those in need....
Thank you dear sis for staying by my side! You can live through me!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Family Fun

I love this picture... Just hanging out with my family after a fun day at Fiesta Texas...

Sunday, September 7, 2008

My favorite B-day Gift

Kelsey & Brett surprised me with a Bird Feeder for my B-day... I had only mentioned it in a phone call when she asked. I didn't think she heard me.
It's my favorite B-day present in the whole world.... I finally got it up on my lil patio here in NY & filled it with black sunflower seeds in hopes our lil red cardinal will get hungry. I haven't seen her in a while.
Thank You Sweet Kelsey & Precious Brett!

Sept 9 - 1993

In honor of Dad who passed away, 9-9-93, I would like to post this picture:

Grandma passed away in July 2004 and I hate that I couldn't make the funeral! Her B-day was 8-29, so we put some flowers on her grave where she is buried next to G'pa Combs.

Uncle Ricky - may he R.I.P. ~ What a wonderful reunion for my family in Heaven!

Missing You.....

Man do I miss you Mary! I'm still in shock that you're gone! Can it really be? I was thinking about writing a letter to that judge Walker in honor of you. Telling him I forgive him for his unjust decisions and unlawful right to try you. He had no right residing as your judge dear sister. Treating you as a criminal. 34 years of good should count for something! Someone needs to teach him about the disease and progression of addiction or better yet, maybe he will learn first hand by someone he loves. If he loves at all. Poor guy.
He crushed your hope and ruined any faith in a just system. I understand why you did what you did Mary. If I were living under the reign of Walker I would feel hopeless too. He's a terrible man and did a terrible crime of over punishment and throwing you to the system. You were not what he painted you to be. I had hope sweet sister. I knew the disease had you, but I also knew that it is cureable & you were on the right track. You WANTED help, so that is the first step. It's not easy, but you could've done it.
Well, I will never pray for bad on anyone sis, but I do believe you get what you put out there & Walker will get his! The world will see to it. I have faith.
I look forward to the day I see you again. I just miss you sis. Your love, your energy, your high spirit & positive light! You loved everyone! (except yourself)....
Well, I loved you enough for both of us! Your life is missed here. How lucky Heaven is!
I'm loving your lil legacy's sis ~ they are okay....tough lil cookies! They miss you of course... who doesn't. You were so enlightening.