Tuesday, March 31, 2009
I was thinking about my life and my struggles. My losses and my pains. I feel a little bit like that dissheveled lil dove on my patio. Too young to feel what I feel. I always knew I was an old soul, but never really felt "old". I have my moments and when I look at this little dove, it is me I see during those times.
Monday, March 30, 2009
As I reflect on my sisters life, I am just so amazed that she is gone.
Mary was such a positive loving spirit all the way through....
She loved you as soon as she met you. She didn't have a judmental eye!
She would look at you with admiration and listen to you with her whole heart and then she would say something positive about you to make you feel her love.
I know this because I would see her in action.
I would introduce her to someone and then just stand back and watch her in admiration.
Everyone who met her loved her.
That's why my friends instantly became hers.
We had so many fun times!
Bachlorette Parties, Baby Showers and weekend get togethers!
I loved being with Mary and am so sad she's gone.
We didn't have enough time together ~ I needed more time!!
We headed over to the casual "Sam's Boat" one summer night. i always knew she would get alot of attention, but that smile of hers was so bright, the boys would flock over and I had to put up a fight - "Hey, that's my sis! Stay away from her!" I wished I could just put her in a bubble & show her around, but she had such a mangetic energy that people just flocked to her. I would finally tell her, "Mary, stop smiling" and she would try so hard it was funny to watch. She would have her lips pursed so tightly that the smile would burst through her eyes. How fun she was - so innocently sweet.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
In honor of Mary I spent the day doing things for her:
- I started out by talking to dear Laurie who gave me some news about some words that were said this horrible day one year ago. The words that pushed her over the edge and made her do what she did. She confirmed some things that I only assumed. God will handle this because I've given it to him! Besides, Mary told me I need to forgive.
- I went on to GameStop to buy lil Brett the Pokemon Platinum, in hopes to make his day! I spoke to him and Kelsey to let them know how much they are loved and the plans I've made for them to come to NY on their mommy's B-day!
- I went to Bed Bath & Beyond to buy some Lavender candles to burn in honor of our sweet Mary! Thank you Chad for this incredible idea. I've posted a picture of my precious Mary memorial at the top of this blog.
- I spoke to Mom, Lisa, Kelsey & Brett - reached out to David & Kerri! Nancy, Charlotte, Courtney & Bill reached out in honor of her day!
- I then went to Fedex Kinkos to scan some more Mary pix that I found in storage yesterday.
- I ate some Baked Lays potato chips in honor of Mary - one of her many favorite snacks. (along with pretzels w/mustard, pumpkin seeds and diet coke)
You are so loved Mary!!! We will not forget you! How could we??!!
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
The optimistic and positive side of me has decided to write about a few things I am grateful for since she left:
- The people who have come into my life - Laurie, Kerri, Cousin Susan....
- The many signs I've received since that day....
- My closeness to Kelsey & Brett...
- That incredible dream I had of Mary...
- Sense of purpose in my life...
- The incredible support I've received from Chad, my family, my friends, co-workers, and too many more to name...
- My newfound faith, my awareness and enlightment...
- All my birds & especially my Cardinals...
- Blue Orbs....
Red Cardinals and Blue Orbs in pictures have entered my life when Mary died March 22nd, 2008. They bring me a peace and a new found faith of life after life as we know it
Friday, March 13, 2009
- The pedastol she put me on and never let me fall off!
- Her determination to achieve and succeed no matter what obstacles came her way.
- That never ending twinkle in her eyes that shone every time I saw her.
- Her unending smile that brightened the entire room and washed all negativity away.
- The positive energy she carried with her every moment of every day. It was so contagious.
- Her sincere desire to encourage, teach and love her family, students, friends and anyone who she met.
- The strength to move onward and upward through tough times.
- The way she LOVED with her whole heart.
- Did I mention the twinkle in her eyes when she smiled?
- #1 ~ Her unconditional LOVE and I mean Unconditional!!
I only hope she knows how much joy she brought to everyone she came in contact with. I told her all the time!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
This is the month you passed away last year. Maybe that has something to do with my blues. 11 more days and it will be a year! Crazy how life goes on here on earth, now just with a few more tears....
Saturday, March 7, 2009
I just have to post these because they AMAZE me.
I have a couple of friends who have shared pictures with me of very very similar orbs. I googled "blue orbs" and read some of the blurbs on the books that are on Amazon and they amaze me even more what they claim to be.
I LOVE MY BLUE ORBS!!!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
If that doesn't make sense, that's okay, maybe my explanation will make it clear.
It's just little simple things like:
The other day I was looking down at the boots I wear almost everyday on my commute to work. They keep my feet so warm & sometimes I even wear them all day. I thought back to the time I bought them 2 winters ago (YES, they are still in great condition). I bought them with a Macy's gift certificate my co-workers at my previous property pitched in and bought me. Their thoughtfulness brought tears to my eyes. They didn't have to do that, but they did. They somehow found out that I looooove shopping at Macy's & surprised me with it. I got to buy myself things I wouldn't have spent my own money on... it was fun. So now when I wear my little black zip up boots with fur in them I think of them all, or when I wear my sexy brown cowgirl boots I think of them & my cool black Calvin Klein belt with a classy rhinestone buckle & my cream, sleeveless furry zip up jacket - it's them I thank. Yes, 2 years later.
Well, I was thinking recently that I hadn't gotten anything like that this year from my new set of co-workers and I wondered if they liked me as much or if I was doing as good a job for them. Then I brushed it off & thought to myself, "you spoiled brat - you have so much to be grateful for". I would never expect anything from anyone, but the bar was set....... then within the week, a co-worker came by and pulled a Macy's gift card out of his pocket & said, "This is for you because we think you are great"!
I NEVER SAID MY THOUGHTS ALOUD & never hinted anything I mentioned above. I sat there stunned with tears in my heart and confusion in my mind. How do things like this happen??
Do you think this is the Law of Attraction or what?