Sunday, March 28, 2010

Walk In The Woods

I've been very in tune with alot of different things in life these days. Beautiful skies, nature, birds, birds & more birds (THE CARDINAL most of all), the healing powers of lavender, and the miraculous signs of love from above.....

I have also been doing what I can to help me enjoy the moments and live more peacefully. Calming the busy mind is a start. On my ipod I have added "Spa Radio" to my Pandora Radio collection and this is what I start my day with as I'm headed into the busyness of NYC. It's actually an incredible experience to walk around a busy train station with beautiful melodies filling your ears.

The other day, I look down at my ipod and this picture I just posted is what I see. I'm a little amazed to see so many things my life consists of these days in one picture. A collage made just for me! It's a CD cover for Jon Schmidt "Walk in the Woods"...... the sounds are as beautiful as this picture.

A quote to treasure

When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.
~Author Unknown

Saturday, March 27, 2010

The Day After ~ A time to Cherish

Our mom, who Lisa & I like to call Momma & Mary always liked to call Mammacita
is also known as Gra'ma Sara to Kelsey & Brett! Lets call her Gra'Mommacita :)!
The day after the 2nd anniversary of Mary's death, Gra'Mommacita was feeling a pull to visit her gravesite in Beaumont. This is a 6 hour drive from San Antonio. It turned out to be a time to cherish and a visit that was much needed. Time spent with Kelsey & Brett was priceless. Visiting Mary's gravesite and leaving beautiful yellow flowers for her, eating Dairy Queen blizzards, then staying up late watching "The Sound of Music" (one of Kelsey's favorite movies) was just what Momma Mary had ordered for Gra'Mommacita & her kids!

Oh how I wish I was there.....
With all the pictures Kelsey was sending me from her phone, I feel like I was!

Kelsey's Book Cover

Cute ~ Cool ~ Kelsey

If you ever want to know a little bit about my neice and what's on her mind...just take a look at her collage of doodles and stickers she made. She actually made it to where she can transfer it from notebook to notebook... Very smart :)! She says it helps her to study. I'm not sure how, but that's okay. Whatever works is what I say..... I'm so proud of her. This is a happy collage - sweet, smart and adventuresome! It's whats in her heart. What I'm really trying to say is that I'm beyond happy that is not full of darkness ~

I made one in college and have it tucked away in a box of keepsake. It's like a little treasure from time - to look at later and say "Wow ~look at the things that were on my mind - all the things I liked!" and then it takes you back to that time to remember.
Hopefully you smile!

Monday, March 22, 2010

Loving you Forever Mary

Loving you forever Mary!
Remembering you on this day 3-22-10
I can't believe it's been 2 years....
Not a day has gone by without thoughts of you.
I know you are still with us all ~
On the day you died - I wrote you a note.
I told you not to worry, that I would love your
children as if they were my own. I DO! I AM!
I asked you to show me a sign with all that
energy you had and YOU HAVE! YOU ARE!
The signs are EVERYWHERE!!
I miss you terribly and love you so much my sweet lil sis ~
Forever in my heart you will live!
My angel in the sky.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

California Dreamin....

A friend of mine is in California and keeps posting on FB beautiful sunsets and views from her hotel in Santa Monica. I happen to be reading one of her books and once again, I am blown away with how the characters in her book relate to MY LIFE. The emotions, circumstances and connections. Her books are almost ALWAYS centered around a familial setting. She always writes about circustances and relationships that connect with me on such a deep level. The characters are so near and dear to my heart based on the life experiences that I've had. The sisters, the friends, the mothers, the daughters, the neices and the characters who have passed away all seem to connect with events in my own life.
I am blessed to know her and am blessed to call her my friend. I am always amazed at how people are brought into my life.

Anyway ~ the reason I mention the above is because it brings me to what I am thinking or I should say reminicing this week:

Memories of a life with my Mary ~ in a place in time many years ago!
Long Beach, California...

I love Cali .. I have many young memories of living in Long Beach with my mom, dad & Mary.... We learned to swim there - near the Queen Elizabeth boat. We played hide & seek behind the large palm trees, we played on swings in the sand, we listened to the hippies sing "Kum-ba-yah my Lord" or "Yodeling" with their guitars and braids sitting on their blankets, we watched the California storms, bundled up next to each other in front of the screen door, waiting for it to stop so we could splash in the puddles and make mud pies. Getting in trouble when we stole strawberries from our neighbors yard...

Oh ~ got a lil brother in Long Beach too :) - David Frank! Mary just looooved her lil brother....

I thanked Luanne for bringing those memories alive this week!

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Left Behind....

No bus service for Kelsey & Brett.......

1/2 day at school for someone forgetting a stop!

30 minutes go by, then 45! After an hour of waiting and a call to the school, Kelsey was making a joke to Brett and said, "I guess it could be worse... a short yellow bus could pick us up!" Less than a minute after the words came out of her mouth, guess what came rolling around the corner. ....
YES.........A SHORT YELLOW BUS!!! they were rolling on the grass laughing.

She took this picture with her phone and sent it to me...

Big Butt Love

Kelsey text me this the other day and made me laugh so hard..... Had to share it on this blog!

She went on to tell me that night how a girl on her track team came up to her that day in gym and said, "Kelsey - you sure do have a big butt for a white girl"...... I was laughing so hard because her mommy Mary, her aunt Lisa and me ~ we all had to live with people telling us that all our life!

I told her to wear that BIG BUTT PROUD! It's a family inheritance. She said she would!

Angels Cry

The first time I saw this picture it took my breath away....

it's as if I could see the pain I was feeling through my own eyes!

Do Angels Cry?
At first I thought, "Oh yes, of course Angels cry. Angels have so much love and emotion, how could they not cry?"... then I thought some more and said to myself, "Angels don't cry out of fear, they take away our tears!"

MiSsInG MaRy.....

Since you've been gone:

My hearts been broken into a million little peices.

Day by day ~ moment by moment

Each new occurrence of your signs from above..

with your memories cherished and your legacies love,

my broken little heart is being repaired!

Your loss has given me a new faith,

In life after life on this earth.

I am comforted by God's embrace.

~I see the world so differently ~

I know what really matters most now;

It is LoVe!

Kelsey & Brett go Catholic

So cool ~ my neice and nephew have become Catholic.....

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Original Message to Mary from Me ~ 3/25/08 - As put in her funeral Program

"To my Mary ~ Words can't say how much I love you....You are my star! I always knew you'd go far. To your talents there was no end. Within in your heart you had a radiant light and through your actions they shined so bright. You spirit had no limits and to know you was to love you. Your death is a tragedy for me but I know you are set free. You will never be forgotten and I know I will see you again. Please come visit me in my dreams, I will keep my heart open for you every moment of every day I live. I have always been your #1 fan and will never forget you. You were loved by many ~ even those who didn't have the pleasure to meet you... they met you through me. I love you more than you know. When I think of you I can't help but to smile, you have that effect of me. You were so fun and so loving and so giving. To say you touched so many lives is an understatement. I saw no faults, only struggles. Mary, Mary, you're my star, do you know how beautiful you are. My angel, my sister, my friend! Your sweetness stays with me like sugar. You are a part of me then and now and forever. I WILL see you again and in my mind you will live on and in my broken heart that I know your memories will mend. I love you sis. Use that dynamic energy you have to give us a sign. What a blessing you were. We were sisters by chance and bestest friends by choice. Thank you God for the memories. I will love your family as I loved you... don't you worry! We are all broken by your pain, but are comforted to know you are free from that and in a place of peace. We will be missing you. I love you! I love you! I love you! Love forever, Jeni"

Saturday, March 6, 2010

"I Still Believe"

I heard a song last night that was inspiring... Danny Gokey - "My Best Days are ahead of me"!
He was on American idol last year - his wife died just before he auditioned! He is incredible & this song he sang is amazing.... He chose this song before he knew the story behind the songwriter....he found out the songwriter lost his wife too & wrote this song! It's as if it was meant to be for Danny Gokey to find this song!!!! Love it!!!!
Needless to say, I uploaded it from I- tunes immediately!

Then I realized I had downloaded the wrong song. I downloaded his other song "I Still Believe" & loved the words to this one even more! So much I have to share it with you. These words touched my heart & a connection was made. It was meant to be. Hope you enjoy....
Love from above!!

That's what life is about! Signs and connections! Inspiring - keep on living -life goes on and memories are cherished!
"I Still Believe"

I've been lookin for a light at then end of this tunnel
I've been searchin for a sign to lead me home
To mend the endless nights of sorrow
But on the other side of this I know that my heart will live

Never saw a man walk on water
Never met a man who walked on water
But I still believe

I don't understand many things
Like the miracle in love and all my dreams
But I still believe

And the more I live my life; the less that I question
All the things I just can't see right in front of my eyes
So I take that leap of faith and learn a few lessons
Time will show me this what you give is what you get

Never saw a man walk on water
Never met a man who walked on water
But I still believe

I don't know the answer to my prayers;
But I keep kneeling down like someone's there
Cause I still believe

Yeah I guess I could give up
There are days I wanna run away from everything
But what good would that do for me yeah
Ohh ohh ohh ohh I I I still believe

Never saw a man walk on water
Never met a man who walked on water
Oohhh but I still believe
Never saw a man walk on water
Never met a man who walked on water
But I still believe yes I do

I don't really know what tomorrow will bring
But I'm open to all possibilities
Cause I still believe

Never saw a man walk on water
Never met a man who walked on water
But I still believe

I don't really know what tomorrow will bring
But I'm open to all possibilities
But I but I believe

Never saw a man never saw a man never saw a man
Who walked on water
Never saw a man never saw a man never saw a man
Ohhhh but I but I but I believe it
But I but I but I believe
But I but I but I believe

Friday, March 5, 2010

I cried some tears and a Cardinal appears.....

The clock ticks on and the days go by...
Most days I'm fine but other days I cry!
I miss you with all my heart Mary...
I have so many wonderful memories,
I don't know where to start!

I was thinking about the time I came to visit you - December 2004....
You were running on your treadmill out in your garage. I came out to you and you started to cry. You said, "Please don't leave me Jeni... I miss you so much!".

Those words just tore my heart apart - I wish I didn't have to go... I wish I didn't go!
I love you so much lil sis, now I cry to you, "Please don't leave me Mary... I need you so much"

I cried some tears and a cardinal appears.......
After writing my miss you Mary note last night... I received this sign:
"Leaving for work this morning, a beautiful, plump, bright red cardinal
was sitting on the edge of the tree limb at the exit of my complex! (I never see a cardinal there). It's as if it was there just for me to see. I turned around and she was gone.... I believe it was a sign to show me she will always be with me!"

Life is truly amazing when you live with an open heart and mind!