Monday, October 26, 2009

Bereavement Poem

My dear friend Laurie has lost her friend Ms. Angelle, so I would like to post this poem for her:

This is a famous bereavement poem written by Mary Frye.

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

There have been many versions of it translated and re-written. I'm not sure which one this is, but I like this one because it seems the most real.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

An Orb in comfort

I just love this picture.

Lisa and I with Mama, comforting each other in our loss. This picture was taken in Houston, during the days of Mary's wake & funeral. So sad we are.
I was looking at this picture a little more closely and can't believe I didn't see this before.... if you look on my arm, you will see a beautiful white orb attached to me. Mary is still with us! She is truly attached to my soul! In my heart and in my mind, she is still here!

Saturday, October 24, 2009

A Doll to Cherish

August 1986, I was leaving my home in San Antonio to live with my dad in Houston. That meant that i was leaving my sister Mary my senior year and her freshman year of highschool.

It was a really tough time in my life. All the signs pointed in the direction of moving to Houston to live with my dad. I hated leaving my siblings and my mom, but it was a move I had to do. Mary was so distraught, her big sis was leaving. We had grown close in the last year. The day I was leaving, she gave me this lil doll. It represented Mary as she was about to become. A cheerleader for our highschool - Red and White were the colors and this doll truly reminded me of her. The note on the tag said it all: "I will miss you ..."

I treasure this lil doll - my Mary doll

Markelett the very special Monkey

"Markelett" is a very very special little Webkin Monkey...
I named him after Mary, Kelsey & Brett! Three very special people in my life.

I put their names together & Markelett is what I came up with :)!

When Mary died, I wanted to build a closeness with her kids - my neice & nephew, Kelsey & Brett! It was a must!!! Kelsey inherited her mommy's phone so I was able to talk to her all the time. At the time, she was very into the world of Webkin's ~ where they bought a Webkin animal and registered it in Webkin world on the internet. Kelsey & Brett were both very very into it. They had to feed their Webkins on the site and make them work, so they could buy things in the Webkin world for their Webkin house full of many rooms they. As you can tell, I joined this Webkin world to be close to the kids. I bought my Markelett!!!

Well, I've had Markelett for while now and since the kids have outgrown the world of Webkin, he has been quietly sitting on the topshelf of my bookcase., tucked away in the corner. Two times in the last week, Markelett has been found in the middle of the floor - it's only Chad, myself & Boo. It wasn't Chad and it wasn't me, so I have to imagine it's Boo - although he has not proven to be a stuffed animal kind of cat, the only other thought is surreal. I'd like to think it's Mary, letting me know she's near! Who knows.....

My 2nd Cousin - Jenn's dream

My dad's sister, Aunt Linda ~ her daughter Susan's (MY COUSIN) daughter Jenn had the most beautiful dream and shared it with me. I believe she was blessed by a visit of our loved one's who have passed on. Her analogy seems to make sense and be right on. How beautiful... they are still with us. Loving us and watching over us in all that we do.
The Dream:

"Jeni! I had a dream Thursday night and I immediately thought of you! In my dream I was at church looking out a window and I saw these 3 birds. One was a cardinal, the other two had cardinal bodies but their wings and tail were white and long. The three birds came to the window and in my dream I looked at the person next to me and said "That's my great-grandma" (one of the white ones). Then I turned to the window and said "Hi, Grandma". Then I walked to a door and these two boys were telling me that they had a brother at home, that he wasn't with them. They also had sisters at home too. And they didn't look exactly like them but in my mind they were Uncle Dave and Uncle Rick and the brother and sisters they were talking about were Uncle Bill, my Grandma, Aunt Loretta and Aunt Judy. Then I woke up. I don't know what it means, but I thought it was weird! I was thinking about the day Uncle Rick died when I was going to sleep so maybe that triggered it. Anyways, I thought of you!"

This is our Grandma Combs
Thank you Jenn for sharing your dream with me...... Love, your cousin Jeni

How Special a Signature Can Be

You never know how special one's signature is... until they are gone too quickly!

Who knew at the time, that the simple acts of scanning letters and faxing them to me at work (so I could read them quicker than waiting until I got home) would turn out to be such treasures!
Not me!!! But I know now....

I was looking up a document on my computer for work the other night when I came across a folder full of "faxed letters from Mary" that Chad had sent to me almost everyday over 2 years ago. At that time, those letters were special and I came to crave them each day! So much so that I couldn't wait to come home for them so Chad would get them to me by means of our technology....
I have hundreds of letters and I treasure them more than I can say.
Her handwriting is a precious time capsule for me. It's what's between the lines that bring tears to my eyes, straight from my heart!

Here I am able to capture a peice of it and share it with you:

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Incredible Day of Signs

I had the most incredible day today. It started out with a resident telling me that the rep from the bank we promote told him to tell me that I was #1. I've never met this rep before, only spoke on the phone. Weird, but a nice surprise... Mary used to write that to me in letters all the time!

I had a wonderful surprise today... I work at a hi-rise in NYC on the west side, close to the water.... There are no real "trees" around that would warrant a cardinal to live in. Granted, on the 10th floor of my building we have an outdoor terrace with some planted trees, but they are new and very high in the sky.
Today I was up on the terrace inspecting that all was in order and what did I see?? A bright red cardinal sitting in a tree.... I was stopped dead in my tracks with my hand to my cheek and my mouth a gasp! I couldn't believe my eyes! He was so red and so bright just staring at me. I must have stood there looking silly as can be. I didn't care, I felt like I was in a dream. Then the tinest little gray & white bird flew right next to him. He was the cutest lil thing I've ever seen.
The cardinal flew to the next tree with the lil bird on it's tail...
Well, not literally, but very close. Then they flew together to the next tree and let me get as close as a foot away. I stood there as long as I could. I was so excited I almost couldn't contain myself, yet upset that I didn't have my camera! I felt a peace come over me and my heart filled with love!

I had a visit today - a message from above! I am so blessed!

I reluctantly left the terrace, but returned with my camera... No sign of red! No where! Except as a memory in my head!

My day ended with a compliment from a co-worker saying "you rock" ~because of a job I did well done! Mary used to tell me that too all the time!

So many signs all in one day.... I'm so excited my head is about to burst... What can I say?!?!

Saturday, October 17, 2009

a Credo for Life

desiderata - by max ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann c.1920

Desiderata is Latin and means 'things that are yearned for', which in the context of the poem more closely means 'essential things'. I love this poem.... I hope you enjoy it!

Sweet Mary

I remember you when you were just two, I remember you Mary....

My sweet sister, my dear friend. I cried a few tears today for you.... I just miss you so much! I hate that you had pain in your life and you weren't able to live the life you so deserved. Things just don't make sense in this life on earth.... I can only trust that it all happens for a reason and we will all be together again. I do believe that, but sometimes the grief and loss is just so strong. My throat tightens up and eyes flood with tears with only sweet thoughts & endearing memories of you Mary!!

I'm just so happy to have had you in my life. What a difference you made.

I know you are still with me...!

Campin Combs Kids

Fun memories... to cherish:

Dad would come in town and take us camping. Outdoor movies, pool playtime, campground arcade, canoe's, playground with swings, monkey bars, slides and the spin around! There was a lake where we could chase & feed the ducks. But, first we would build the tent. It was always a challenge since dad was the only adult and the tent was tall. Someone had to hold the tall part up while another had to hold the stakes in place and hammer them into the hard ground. Then we had to blow up the air mattresses, physically... back in the "day", we didn't have self pumpers. These were fun times. We just loved being with our dad, it didn't matter where.

KOA campgrounds with dad!

Friday, October 16, 2009

A New Bird

What an incredible gift ~ a new bird spotted on my patio this season. This is the Oriole... a bird of the North. Not sure why its on my patio now, but I will enjoy him. They are attracted to nector and berries and I only have seeds.

I love my birds: Cardinals, Robins, House finches, Blue Jay's, Red Winged Black Birds, Mockingbird's and now the Oriole....

Thursday, October 15, 2009

The Book Connection

You wanna hear something fun?
I was in the bookstore a couple weeks ago to get the book "Shantaram" (which is very good by the way) and went roaming through the spiritual section... I came across a book I have been really interested in that someone had recommended a couple (or few) years ago, but I didn't buy (again!). A part of me kept saying "Get it!" But I wouldn't for fear I'd waste another $20 bucks on a book of wisdom that I already know (ha!).
Well, someone came by my office the other day with a little gift for me as a belated "wedding/shower kind of gift" & it was that book!!!
Crazy huh?

It's "The Four Agreements" by don miguel ruiz... Plus another lil book of his: "The Mastery of Love"!

It just blows my mind how the universe works for me these dayz...

Monday, October 12, 2009

Mary's lil Brett

I just had to post this picture of Mary's lil Brett. I know if she was with us, she would be loving this moment with all her heart. Admiring her son's sweetness with our neice Haley at the wedding. They were so sweet together. Instant friends. What a moment! My heart melts each time I look at this picture.

I wonder if Lisa & i were thinking the same thing,
"How lucky we are to have Mary's lil legacies"!

Through them, Mary will always be with us!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Psalm 34:17-18

My sweet sweet lil sis Lisa and her wonderful husband Victor had bought Chad & I a beautiful Bible as a sweet weeding gift! Engraved with our names as one - the first item I received with my name as a wife! So encouraging they are with keeping us connected with the Word!

Well, sneaky lil sis, she knows I will read in my own time and doesn't like to push ~ but she will mention to me a verse to read - one that she thinks is good. Respectfully, I open the Book and find the verse she recommended.

I really liked this one and wanted to share it with you:

Psalms 34: 17-18:

17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.

18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Thank you sweet sis for all that you are and all that you do! I hope you know how very much I love you!!!

A Proverb

Experience is not always the kindest of teachers, but it is always the best! -Spanish proverb

A Cup of Chirp

Two days in a row a couple weeks ago... I had a hard time waking up. Then I got some help from a red lil friend... I heard out my window, "chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp...."! The chirping would not stop until I got out of bed. I peaked out my window & saw a glimpse of red, there she was, my wake up call staring at my sleepy head! It brought a smile to my face and off to the shower I went. With the chirp on my mind, out the window I looked. Nothing - that was it! As I was about to leave I decided to take another look, nothing - my wake up chirp was it! Nice way to start my day. A chirp & a smile with a lil splash of red.

Yup, it happened again the next day.... chirp chirp chirping away. My Cardinal alarm clock started my day!

Bonus: I hadn't seen my Robin(s) lately and had been wondering about them. Then, the same day as my 2nd day with my wake up cardinal call, I came home to see my Red Robin at the top of my roof welcoming me home.

Bittersweet Surprises

Chad & I have been cleaning out our closets and drawers today... trying to "clean house"! There was a stack of cards that he had from me tucked away in the nightstand drawer. There were ALOT. I didn't realize how many & how much I had given to him. They dated all the way back to 2000. Well, mixed in there was a card to him from Mary - dated 8/07. It was a card for his Birthday. I had already spent 20 minutes looking at all the emotional cards I had given him, bringing back many memories. Finding that card from Mary and reading her words choked my heart and brought tears. It also made me realize that it really hasn't been very long since she was here. 2007! ! ! It's only been a year and a half.
So thoughtful and so sweet she was. I miss her with all my heart! I wish I could go back in time and help her from the start. I know the start now, I see it clearly. If only I knew what I know now I would do things differently. I had to continue my cleaning up because in the midst of it all, a mess was made. The last box I had was a box of Holiday things. "Out with the old and time for some new" - that's what I was thinking as I made a pile for garbage and a pile for keeps. Then I came across an ornament (2) that she had sent to Chad & I the year we got back together after a lil break ~ 2004. She was so happy for us she sent us the sweetest Christmas ornaments to celebrate us! So thoughtful, so loving, so incredible she was.

A Jeni Gem of Wisdom

"It is only with time, experiences and knowledge from listening that one becomes wise. Some can live a full lifetime without wisdom because they don't accept, reflect or listen." ~Jeni

Answered Hopes

What a stressful week I've had! Everyday working late & then continued working from home til midnite Monday - Wednesday!! Thursday was non stop, full of problems & solutions. I wanted to make my normal train home Thursday night especially bad. Two reasons: 1.) I had a promise to keep to my cat Boo 2.) plus Chad had promised me my favorite dinner too. But I was 10 minutes behind schedule and still had to buy my monthy train ticket. Lines are always long on the 1st of the month! I pretty much wrote it off that I would or could make that train & travelled to the station in my usual quick but not too quick pace. I refused to get upset, because there was nothing I could do. I had a long enough day, I didn't want to end it with a frown.

My luck started at the subway... I had just walked down the steps to the track as they were closing the doors.... then, As if I had no control of my body's motions, I unconciously leaned forward putting my energy towards the door. The conductor re-opened the door & said "Hurry - get on". I whisked off the subway platform, onto the train & was able to whisper a quick thank you to the lady conductor who had started to save my day!

I got to Penn station and looked up at the schedule boards that have the train times & track numbers. I saw mine was still on the board even though I was one minute behind. I thought that was strange that my train was still on the board and realized it must be a little delayed. Then I thought, "Oh well, probably won't be delayed enough for me - I've got to get my ticket and look at the lines!".

So I strolled over to one of the lines at the ticket booth and noticed that my train I wanted WAS delayed. I thought to myself without much hope (so I wouldn't let myself get let down), "Maybe, just maybe I will make my train" -Well, not only did I make my train, but I got a seat on the overstuffed train car!!

I sat on the train in amazement and started to mentally relax. I had a rough week already and I thought my late nights were over. Then I realized I had a report to turn in on Friday of all the pets in our building & that was tomorrow... Oh boy, I hadn't even touched that one!!!
I yi yi! I almost kissed my relaxing night away, then decided to email the IT guy who knows our accounting system, just hoping, praying for a positive answer I was about to ask - "Do you know if there is a report in our system that prints out all the pets in our building?". He said, "I just made the report today & was going to send out tomorrow!". Yay!!!! - Abosolutely amazing!! That was the answer I was only hoping he'd have - He just saved me from another long night.

My promise to Boo:
Boo had been out of wet food for almost a week. Every morning and night he curls up in a ball by the refrigerator waiting for me to open his treat. It's been brutal not having it for him for so many days, so that is why I made my promise - Thursday was the day! Lucky me! Now I can keep my promise to Boo & enjoy my husbands promise to me!
We all are winners in this triangle of promises!

Infinite Possibilities

I receive Notes from the Universe daily in my e-mail.... they are fun! Sometimes they are "right on" & I have blogged about them. Well, there is an author behind my lil notes & now he has a book. I have ordered it and think it's worth the read ~ why not? I've had fun with the notes, I'm looking forward to hearing more. There's a link at the bottom of this blog that you can download the magazine for free. Take a peak into what could be! ~ Jeni

In both a profound and playful investigation into the mysteries of the universe, Mike Dooley’s Infinite Possibilities is a manifesto affirming that there is no finite allotment of anything, especially happiness! It’s a fresh look at how each reader can look within to discover their true potential, and then bring that desire into reality.

Join Mike Dooley’s ongoing spiritual odyssey in Infinite Possibilities. With his recognizable insight, light-hearted wit, and striking sincerity, this new work by the much-celebrated author elevates the lessons learned in Choose Them Wisely and his Notes from the Universe trilogy to a whole new level.

Mike Dooley enlightens that we create our own reality, our own fate, and our own luck. We are beings filled with infinite potential—adventuring through a field of possibilities, ready to explore how powerful we truly are. Once you learn to open your heart and mind to potential, life’s amazing experiences become evident—maybe not always the skydiving, mountain-climbing variety—but opportunities that allow readers to engage in life’s joyous path of discovery.

Attitudes & Limitations

To a large extent, the way we think determines who we are and what happens to us.
We cannot harbor poisonous thoughts without their effects visibly showing in our lives. If we dwell on our inadequacy and ineffectiveness, for example, circumstances will prove us correct because we will invite self-defeating events to us.
On the other hand, replacing destructive thoughts with hope-filled, optimistic ones brings peaceful and confidence-producing circumstances to us. We will radiate competence and joy.

We would be wise, therefore, to take the advice of twentieth century author Orison Swett Marden: "Stoutly determine not to harbor anything in the mind which you do not wish to become real in your life. Shun poisoned thoughts, ideas which depress and make you unhappy, as instinctively as you avoid physical danger of any find – replace all these with cheerful, hopeful, optimistic thoughts."

Today I will make it a habit to continually replace pessimistic thoughts with optimistic ones. I will dwell on what is uplifting so that I may increase my courage and confidence as well as better my circumstances.

You are reading from the book:

The Reflecting Pond by Liane Cordes