Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Jana Finds Me

July 12, 2011 ~ Mary's college roommate, bridesmaid and close friend Jana found me! She lost track of Mary with all the changes that went on in the last few years of Mary's life. (Different address, different numbers, etc...). She even hired a detective to find her. Then she found me and its been an amazing reunion for both of us. I was able to tell her the true story. Here are some of Jana's words shared with me through FB email ~ I cherish Jana's love and friendship and am so happy to have this Mary blog to journal this reunion:

Oh Jeni. You are anwered prayer. I know Mary guided me to you. I have only talked with Melissa. She was in contact with Mary and Brian both during the last years........I looked for Mary when I became pregnant with my son. I knew she would be so happy. All communication was lost. I found Brian on my space sent him and email and he ignored me. I knew something was wrong then. I called my mom and told her that in my heart I knew she was gone - I didn't believe it so I had an investigator run her record- it was nothing like what Melissa was told. Now the pieces fit. I have had no closure in all of this. She was my heart! I still remember the memory box that we put together for your dad for his funeral.......I love the website. Especially the m& m story. Can't tell you how many bags of those we went through. There is healing and Mary is using you to help me find my way. I have two sweet children -Morgan and Mikah. My M & M's if you will. Ive been asked many times about why both their names started wth an M. The symbolism of your story is amazing - just as they are Mary's initials. Proof she is still with me. .......God is so gracious! He knew I would need you - as did Mary. I needed the truth. All I had was fragments mixed with pain I knew Mary indured.......My heart breaks in all of this but I so need closure. I can't "let her go" without that. I love her so very much!!!
......All of this is so unimaginable. I know Mary had to feel scared and alone to do what she did. God promises a peace that passes all understanding. I am searching for that in all of this. Since I learned of her death, I have been drawn to a nearby beach. There is a peace and serenity there admist the grief. I didn't understand the significance until now - again Mary guiding me. Sitting on the dock I remember old praise and worship songs that Mary and I used to sing arm in arm as we walked around campus late in the evening. That is my favorite time at the beach. Mel and I have talked about visiting her grave. It is something I need to do-to say goodbye and hello at the same time. Odd, I know, but that is my hearts desire. The last memory I have of Mary and I is at sunday school at their church in Nederland. I remember how much we cuddled at night as we talked about our day - She loved for me to brush her hair and run my fingers through it. I always run my hands through my little boys hair. Never really realized the significance until now- silly I know but a simple tie that binds my heart to hers. Thank you for your willingnes to open your heart with me and share. It is something I so desperately needed. I will always be proud of her and the amazing friend that she was. I still have the pink comforter that we had in college to match the curtains my mom made for our room - hers was blue. I've never gotten rid of it for some strange reason. It is as soft as her hair and the blanket I use to curl up in when I need comfort - I now know why - My Mary. Again God knew what I would need before I did. She's been here the whole time. Oh Jeni. Thank you for loving me and extending your friendship in all of this. I know that makes Mary smile. It was important to me to know about Kelsey and Brett. Kelsey is a little Mary.. It was like looking at her all over again. That did my heart good. There's not enough words to convey all that I feel at this moment- just extreme joy and gratitude that you have such a loving heart like hers!!! Thank you for helping me find my Mary. I can't wait to visit more.....God is teaching me that there is joy in death. Mary would love my kids! I am more conscious of her now - thank you. She knew I would need that. Mel is struggling too. Mary knew that two. The three of us spent alot of time toghether at school. I know Mary is pleased that I have found you- she alway s was my guiding light......No one will ever be good enough for them - except their aunt Jeni!!!! Makes my heart soar to know they have you! You are my blessing from Mary. I know she is smiling now. I am finidng my way. It will be a slow process but I know you are part of that healinLove the kids for me.......Cheerleading will be my way of honoring Mary's memory in my daily life. The tears will be less now- I can breathe - something I have not been able to do since learning of her death. How lucky Mary is to have you! I remember how her eyes would light up when she would talk about you and how proud she was for you and Chad! I understand why!!! What an amazing lady you are with a spirit as equally loving as Mary's. I am looking for Mary's cardinal. Here's the amazing thing- my dad loves birds and feeds constantly. When I visit I get to sit on the porch with him and listen to him talk. I loved those moments simply because they were spent with my dad.. I will look a little them a little diffferent from this point forward. She's been here all along I just didn't realize it!!! Priceless- just as God intended.

What a gift - connected by Mary's love!

1 comment:

Laurie Kolp said...

Thanks for sharing this sweet letter. Mary was a dear friend to so many of us.