Monday, September 22, 2008

6 months today...I Love you Mary

Dearest Mary~
I can't believe it's been 6 months today! I've been missing you a lot. I've gotten used to looking at the same pictures the last 6 months & then I pulled out the visit I had with you in December 2004 when most of the trouble began. I couldn't stop the tears. I remember you crying when I had to go home. It tore at my heart. I have missed you for so long, even when you were alive. Oh Mary, I'm so sorry you had so much pain. I'm sorry I wasn't closer to you more of the time. I tried sis. I really did. I flew to your rescue to spend only days. We needed more. I thought you were stronger. I was wrong. Please forgive me for not being there more. I love you so much. My heart aches for your spirit. You had so much of it!
Today I will give you an award for the most beautiful, honest, sincere and loving spirit I have ever had the honor of being a part of! I know how much you love awards. You deserve so many.
Your love outweighed your pains. As I've said before, I saw no faults, only struggles! No more - i know & for that I am happy for you. But when you died, so did a part of me. I'm trying to balance my faith with my loss, but sometimes it wins. Luckily only for moments. I know you're still with me & that is what brings me back! Thank you dear sister for loving me so much.... "You told me to forgive & I am working on that!" I promise!Chad is helping me.

1 comment:

Laurie Kolp said...

JENI- I love your latest posts. I can tell they are truly from the heart. I know Mary is so proud of you and I just bet she was bouncing up and down in heaven when she got your award.

Love ya,