Friday, March 20, 2009

Our Last Conversation

It was a year ago today that I last heard your voice. We spoke almost everyday on my way to or from work. What a sweet lil voice you had that just melted at my heart. Your cries of joy or cries of grief were music to my ears. Even then before you were gone, it was always a treat.

We spoke about your family trip to the Schlitterbaum you had just days before. Your sounds of love and life coming back even better than before. You had such hope Mary, such hope!

You mentioned to me some worries you had about your lil Kelsey. You didn't tell me any details - that you wanted to spare. You said we would talk about it later when she wasn't in the car with you... you said, "don't worry, it's not an eating disorder or anything like that".... I couldn't wait to talk to you again, but that didn't happen.... you were gone.

Luckily I met your friend Laurie who you saw that night after that call and a month later I got to hear what your worries were because you shared them with her. I thought I would be tormented the rest of my life wondering what it was, but instead, you eased that pain and shared it to me through Laurie.

Yes, we have conversations now, but not like we did, my eyes are open and I hear your special calls.


Anonymous said...

This really touched me. I am crying my eyes out because I want her back. But, I know I can't have her now. There will never be another Mary! She is too amazing to repeat. God loves her and is holding her for us. Jeni, I can and I can't understand "why" she left. It is soooo frustrating. I just want to turn back time, but can't. I HATE THIS!!! I just want to hear her voice, give her one more hug, tell her i love her, save her from the pain (which I was able to do so many times before). A friend of hers called me late last night and I decided to tell him some of what happened to her. I woke up quickly and saw that darn Texas area code calling. Why couldn't it have been her??? This friend couldn't believe that she was gone. WHY??? I just wish I had something of hers to hold...a teddy bear, a shirt, a pair of shoes, a hair tie, I don't care. I hate what happened to her, Jeni!!! But, I know this is where things are now and I am really trying to accept them. Obviously, I have a long way to go. Just needed to talk and share my heartache. I love you, Ker

Jeni said...

I know Kerri ~ you two were friends from the start so many years ago. Two peas in a pod. I'm sorry we lost you through those tough times. We tried to find you, we really did. I wish i would have spent the money to get more help. I kick myself for that. She cried for you and I tried but failed. I guess I thought I was enough for now and doubled up my support. she is with us now Ker Bear. When I get her box of clothes Brian is saving for me, I will send you something special. I love you and am glad we found you now. XOXO - you are going to love Laurie.

Laurie Kolp said...

I was so sad that I didn't have something either- any kind of remembrance. And I tried so many times to contact Brian and get back some of the things Mary and I worked on together. Just to have SOMETHING that was hers, or that we shared together, was so important. He never came through for me. I finally gave up, but I now have Jeni's wonderful blog and all the memories. That, to me, is priceless. And our connection through this tragic event is enough to carry me through. I am so very grateful for you, Jeni! And Kerri! All of you who loved Mary- we shared a common bond. We will get through this together- I know Mary would want us to start getting better now. Just like Father David told me that day at the church- Mary lives on with us through our memories, and we must continue to pray for her. Love you guys- we will get through this...